00:00:00 - Naudia added rum to the pina colada mix that already had rum in it. Greeeeat.
00:00:00 - Naudia clicked the "I'm Frightened" selection on the DVD menu. Now I AM frightened!
00:00:00 - A pair of faceless lips are talking to me right now while a pair of body-less legs dance below. Frightened level = hightened.
00:00:39 - The faceless lips are singing now. Something about Flash Gordon. This is beyond abnormal.
00:01:47 - We're just now at the Title Screen and I am already more wary than I've ever been about a movie. Good sign or bad?
00:05:03 - Movie opens with a shot of a church. I have a feeling this is as "holy" as it's going to get.
00:06:01 - Susan Sarandon!? Hahahahahahaha
00:08:11 - Aaaah, so THIS is where the "Dammnit, Janet" line comes from! I had no idea it was Susan Sarandon that people damning all these years.
00:08:55 - Naudia: "And it only gets better from here."
00:10:40 - A man with a long cigartette holder and a scarf tie wants to take me on a "journey." I don't even care at this point...let's go! *cue stormy night with single car driving down the road*
00:12:56 - Wow, that was the most beautifully crafted stop sign ever. It has bejeweled letters. I wonder if it's a one-way ticket to Trannyville?
00:14:34 - Susan Sarandon sings! Although I am minorly insulted she is using a newspaper for cover from the rain. THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR! Also, singing a joyful tune while treking through property labled "Enter At Your Own Risk"...you're just asking for it.
00:18:44 - Oh my gosh, the inside of the Rocky Horror house looks like the TKE house back at school. COINCIDENCE?!
00:19:30 - Although the TKE house never had - uh - a coffin/grandfather clock with a skeleton inside. Back to the nervous feeling!
00:20:38 - Now we're getting...dance lessons?! I was worried that the pina coladas were affecting my ability to understand this movie, but Naudia reassured me: "Don't expect to understand any of this." Great!
00:21:40 - Now the hunchback butler and a drag-queen Judy Garland in a sequenced top hat and coattails are singing and dancing together. I think I might have accidently injested some sort of hallucenajen...
00:24:34- Tim Curry just made his entrance. Holy. Cow. What.
00:25:09 - Aaand now he took off his coat. And now he's a sweet transvestite from Transexaul, Transylvania. I am not sure what reality is anymore.
00:26:41 - I think my jaw has been hanging open for a record amount of time.
00:28:30 - Well, now Susan Sarandon and her totes square fiance have been stripped down to their undies. Unforunately, this is the most normal thing that has happened thus far.
00:32:11 - I honestly don't think I've caught a word of this since the movie first started. I am too busy being transfixed by Tim Curry's green dress, pearls and sewn-on pink triangle. Oh, and his crowd of noise-maker waiving, tuxedo-wearing tranny followers.
00:34:00 - Now a...a mummy? Is floating in a vat of green liquid? While Tim Curry adds various colors of paint? I...don't understand. I just don't.
00:35:45 - Oooh, the paints made a rainbow. Nooow it makes sense.
00:42:09 - Well, that was a nice little show from the mummy-turned-hot-body-builder-in-a-gold-Speedo.
00:44:50 - Where...where did the motorcycle man come from? And now he's getting murdered?!?!?!?!?! Tim Curry...you were supposed to be a sweet transvestite?!??!?! He was just singing...what did he do wrong?! Life has reached Kelvinistic levels.
00:47:18 - My new favorite character is the lady who subtly rolled her eyes at Susan Sarandon's overly-chipper singing. You and me both, girlfriend! Or maybe "boyfriend?" I can't really tell with this movie.
00:48:55 - Red-lit room. Susan Sarandon. A bunch of sexiness is sure to spawn into being.
00:49:23 - Oh never mind. She just went to sleep. What a prude.
00:49: 35 - Never mind again! The nerd fiance - is climbing on top of her. HOLLER!
00:50:01 - NEVER MIND A THIRD TIME! IT'S THE TRANSVESTITE DRESSED LIKE BRAD!??! I would be shocked, but, I mean, who hasn't been there?
00:50:45 - So when an engaged woman has sex with a man dressed like a woman.......what does this mean?
00:52:35 - Because, honestly, what is a tranny movie without banjo music?
00:52:23 - So uh. So. Uh. When a man has sex with a man dressed like a woman. Uh. What does THAT mean?!
00:54:01 - I hate it when my man-on-man forayes are interrupted by my man servant annoucing that my oiled up play boy has escaped.
00:56:58 - Susan Sarandon. How can you tell the oiled-up-man-toy that you've only done "heavy petting" when you just screwed a tranny not five minutes ago? How often do you think that line works?
00:58:43 - Everybody is doing everybody.
1:01:07 - If I had a dime for every time a bespectacled man in a wheelchair with a suit and plaid blanket came tearing through my house...
1:03:00 - I feel it's best to repeat everyone's names eight times when running into an old friend.
1:03:27 - Is that the same dinner gong they used in Clue? Gotta appreciate recycling.
1:05:33 - No dinner is complete without party hats. Especially that awkward dinner everyone has after they're doing screwing each other. Typical.
1:07:50 - Because it only makes sense that the uptight, wheelchair-bound man to start singing like Elvis...
1:09:41 - So, there was a dead body embedded in the dinner table all along? Because that makes perfect sense with the rest of this movie.
1:12:51 - Horrible news. The blender isn't working. Strawberry fail-queries :(
1:16:03 - It. Is. AL-IVE!
1:19:51 - Oh look, a shout out to the old RKO Studio, home of many-a Classic Hollywood movie. Not sure if I should be impressed or insulted that they're incorporating this.
1:22:01. I was half-kidding when I predicted an orgy in the pool. But no. There they are. The entire cast - in matching fishnets, heels and bedazzled corsets - going at it in the pool. It might be a bad sign if I am starting to guess what happens next in this movie. Mind...warping...can't...stop it...
1:27:11 - Only the best pool orgies end in heartfelt, melodramatic soliloquies under a sole spotlight.
1:29:26 - A hunchback wielding laser beams! This movie officially has everything. "Heeelllooooo"
1:30:29 - The tranny got lasered! Isn't that a hate crime in 37 states?
1:31:53 - So getting shot with 91 laser beams doesn't kill the mummy-turned-oiled-up-man. But a 10-foot drop into a pool does?
1:34:18 - So my "favorite character" turned out to be some Bride of Frankenstein evil space cadet. This is the least-shocking bit of information in this movie.
1:35:33 - Aaaand End. I have officially seen Rocky Horror Picture Show. Wow. I need to sit quietly and contemplate life for a long, long time. Everything I know to be true and right is thrown off axis.
"Heeeellooooooooo"
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