It was a run-of-the-mill day in the newsroom.
I was doing responsible social media researching (a.k.a. stalking around on Facebook) when I saw an enthusiastic status update from co-worker and Web journalist extraordinaire Naudia Jawad in reference to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Unable to understand her excitement, I confessed I had never seen the movie.
Long story - full of paper cats in drag and wielding candlesticks - short, we agreed to enlighten one another. I will watch her beloved Rocky Horror in exchange for her watching my beloved Clue (both starring Tim Curry if you didn't understand the connection).
A week-and-a-half, a case of beer and some pina coladas later, we are both poised to write real-time responses to the other's sacred movie.
We're starting off with Clue (1985), based on the the famous Parker Brothers board game. It's one of my favorites, and I think its wit and comedic timing are grossly underrated. I just hope I don't annoy Naudia to death with my incessant need to quote every line.
Here we go!
00:00:17 - *cue title music* Me: "Oh my gosh I am so excited."
00:01:03 - Naudia seems to be excited Martin Mull is in the movie (as Colonel Mustard); off to a good start!
00:02:00 - Tim Curry makes his first appearance, sans-drag, which Naudia asserts is "not as cool."
00:03:31 - *cue best track in the movie: "Shake, Rattle and Roll!"*
00:04:37 - I don't care how many times I see this movie, that bland, sociopathic cook freaks me out every time. She gets what she deserves...*lightning crashes*
00:06:20 - Glorious, Mrs. White is here. And she and Evette the Maid just exchanged dagger looks. Bum bum BUH!
00:07:01 - Ms. Scarlett, WHAT makes you think it's okay to get in a car with an obvious pervert who says in the most creepily seductive voice ever, "Want a lift?" Also, what is that conch shell wrap you're wearing around your neck?!
00:07:41 - I want Mrs. Peacock's hat. Feathers n' all.
00:10:45 - "Buttle" has to be the best verb ever (describing what a butler does).
00:11:43 - The "soup sipping" scene between Professor Plum and Mrs. White. Classic.
00:15:06 - I am so glad it took the characters five whole minutes to discover they were from Washington D.C. Clever, clever characters. And one murderer. OR MORE THAN ONE!?
00:18:32 - After seeing the movie so many times, it much more entertaining to have Naudia do voice overs for Mr. Boddy and the Butler.
00:19:33 - Oh snap. The Butler is about to reveal everyone's blackmail-worthy secrets. Things are about to get serious.
00:21:03 - This is why I wanted to be Mrs. Scarlett when I grew up. Everyone else denied what they're being blackmailed for, and she proudly admits it. Atta girl!
00:24:08 - This movie has prefected the ominous lightning crash. "HE is the one blackmailing you!" *CUH-RASH!*
00:24:54 - Evette, why are you rubbing those pool balls? Yikes.
00:26:42 - If I were a character in this movie, I'd be so pissed a the weapon assignment. How inadequate does the person that got the lead pipe feel next to the guy with the revolver? Seems a bit unfair to me!
00:28:28 - If Professor Plum says, "LOOK!" and points to some obvious point of evidence ONE MORE TIME...
00:30:00 - Aaaand Evette single-handedly butchers the French language...
00:32:12 - "She had friends who were.......socialists. We all make mistakes!" Hahahahaha
00:34:27 - Naudia pointed out the Mrs. Scarlett has been sucking on the same cigarette she's had this entire time. That's quite a life span!
00:36:18 - I love how it takes the entire cast to carry the cook's body into the Study. That must have been a real self-esteem booster for the actress.
00:38:16 - How does a deady body walk?! Zombie Mr. Boddy!
00:41:06 - I think the real killer here is Mrs. Peacock's hat. It keeps attacking her face.
00:41:34 - Mr. Stranded Motorist, was it not a forboding clue that the entire house huddled up and discussed your fate before they let you in the house?
00:45:17 - I am so glad that the characters agreed to hide all of the weapons, including a small dagger, but no one has a problem with the gigantic kitchen cutlery out in the open for everyone's use.
00:47:43 - Evette, why are you walking around with that match stick in your hand? What good do you think it's going to do? Poke someone in the eye? Tell them to wait for a second and stand still while you strike it up and hold it close to light them on fire?
00:50:00 - The walking-around, searching the house montage of this movie is one of my favorites in all of cinema. So many classic on-liners.
00:52:46 - Mr. Now-Dead Motorist, all it took was one light tap on the head with the wrench to kill you? Pansy. You'd never survive in a horror movie. Heck, you didn't even surprise in a mystery/comedy. Fail.
00:55:48 - Evette, for being a scantily-dressed French maid, you have incredible aim with that revolver. Is this a secret trait of all French maids!?
01:01:22 - Making out with dead bodies to hide from the police. Characters of Clue, I admire your efforts. Disgusting, horrible, morally corrupt efforts.
01:05:32 - Mr. Police Officer, maybe if you wouldn't have called the house "ugly," you wouldn't have gotten bashed with a lead pipe. Just sayin'. Maybe show a little more tact next time.
01:06:26 - How many types of alcohols do they have in this movie? Brandy, Cognac, Champagne, Whiskey, etc. They all seem to come from the same bottle, too. Amazing!
1:12:56 - I wonder how long it took Tim Curry to memorize his entire one-man speech. Incredible performance!
1:17:55 - Really, Wadsworth? You think the fire was the "only possible place" for the evidence to be destroyed? I think with six dead bodies throughout the house, these people can be creative about how they destroy things.
1:20:49: Does that tiny little pistol really make a cannon-blast noise when shot?
1:22:58 - 1 plus 1 plus 2 plus plus 1 does not equal 6. 1 plus 2 plus 1 plus 2 plus 1. Wadsworth, if only you could do math.
1:26:33 - I think of the three possible endings, the second one is my favorite. The entire cast singing "For She's a Jolly, Good Fellow" to Mrs. Peacock - including a lovely harmony by Mrs. White - just can't be topped.
1:29:11 - Flames. On the side of my face. Heaving - breathing - heaving breaths!
1:33:15 - End! Naudia: "That. Was....Amazing." Yesss, successs!
Time to get mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepared for Rocky Horror!
P.S. I think I kept my quote-reciting down to a minimum - phew!
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